| finally |
[Mar. 28th, 2012|11:30 am]
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i just filled out a bunch of forms and one of them had these choices:
"male" female" "other".
this is the first time in my life i've had a chance to check "other"
and the first time i didn't feel like i was being dishonest. |
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| words to live by |
[May. 6th, 2011|08:47 pm]
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| [ | Current Music |
| | hank williams, fred astaire, killdozer | ] |
and remember, gender means nothing, dresses mean everything. |
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| we used to hitchike up and down interstate 5 & get rides w/truckers |
[May. 3rd, 2011|10:33 pm]
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these truckers bring us our strawberries, gummy worms, paper napkins, toothpaste, plywood, cement, lettuce, carpeting, chicken eggs, oreos, shower curtains, everything we "need" to live the american dream, and they drive and drive and don't get a chance to sleep enough and get ailments from being jerked up and down from the motion of the trucks, and are away from their loved ones weeks at a time... they are some of the american heroes, along with farmers, building custodians, construction workers, secretaries and many more.
without them, we'd die.
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| may 1, 2011 |
[May. 3rd, 2011|09:11 pm]
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to be carried away by angels
if that what's you believe
to join the ethereal soft gentle spirits if that what's you believe
to be nothing if that's what you believe,
nothing at all like a vacuum in space with no particles -
but how can you find nothing
there is still radiation to deal with, magnetic fields, dark energy,
is there anyplace that is totally empty, nothing, nowhere has nothing maybe
all this on a beautiful spring day on earth
may day bursting with maple flowers and blue scillas
and tulips promising to open soon if the squirrels don't get them
and hyacinths scenting the air
and the beautiful eternal blue sky the closest thing maybe to god overhead
blue with small clouds, cheerful wisps
sun, shadows,
all the life
all the green
all the growth
all the beginnings
it is good
but nothing calls, beckons, entreats |
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| sad |
[May. 3rd, 2011|09:10 pm]
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march 9, 2011
tears just behind my eyes
metaphorically speaking
yes i know they come from tear ducts
tears waiting in tear ducts
i try to hold them back
they struggle to come out
i am so sad and wish it would go away
never love or trust anyone
then you'll never have the happy times
but you'll be spared this overwhelming pain |
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| waiting for the dance |
[Feb. 18th, 2010|08:37 am]
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waiting for the dance
[my latest vicodin "poem" aka pomme de terre]
the beautiful furies wait in the stormy mountains on velvet settees;
sad medusa sets out the flowered china tea set;
cerberus lies on a pink satin pillow gnawing on a plush toy;
the minotaur adjusts his bow tie;
scylla and charybdis crank up the victrola;
and charon ushers in the guests.
--- the picture is---
George Frederic Watts The Minotaur 1885
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| wtf use is the big rock candy mountian |
[Feb. 16th, 2010|06:49 pm]
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i'm going to clean the bathroom tomorrow
as if life will go on
all normal
all nicey nice ho hum
i feel so dead inside
tonight i am drinking too much gin
but wtf it tastes good and i also took antihistamines since i have this gross reaction, hives sort of stuff, from the sulfa drugs i had to take for the infection.
i feel happy on drugs.
why can't we just have happy drugs
why are they illegal
why not research and make safe happy drugs
there are pseudo fake tiny bit around the middle legal happy drugs
like prozac or valium and alcohol and nicotine- not all so _safe_
but i mean the love and empowerment of quacks
or the fake little distant echo you can get from vicodin or something
why can't we have that in a safe form
feel ok
be able to work, do art, interact with loved ones,
not feel crushing despair
not feel intense overwhelming hopelessness and doom
not feel deep psychic fear that permeates you soul and the universe
why can't we just feel ok
use the brain chemistry to feel ok
then cook and clean and work and hobby/party, love, etc
why can't we do that
why do we have to put up with this christian krap about suffer on earth and have pie in the sky when you die
nobody knows what happens when you die
this life now you are in is the only one you've got
even if you believe in reincarnation or angels and hell, still
this life, now, what you are in, is what you've got
so why not feel ok or happy
feel energetic or inspired
do things that are good-ness whether that is
taking care of babies, tidying the house, creating great art and music, leading political movements,
fighting for social justice, watching caterpillars on a leaf, letting a ocean wave crash over you, stacking papers neatly in an office
why can't we just be ok
why do we have to suffer needlessly and spend outrageous amounts of money and time and resources on feeling miserable
we kill the earth, kill our mother for profit and greed, why?
and feel like krap unconnected, no love
what is that
why is that better than feeling all the love and power in the universe and having some drugs to tweak our fucked up serotonins etc, evolved for some other reason
not pertinent now.
damn where is the big rock candy mountain i need a map lets go there. |
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| feb 14 msg |
[Feb. 14th, 2010|12:57 pm]
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you can love a person, but they can break your heart or die,
you can love a pet or a tree, but they can die,
you can love drugs, but they can kill you or become unavailable,
you can love the earth, but the earth is dying,
you can love the universe;
it is unlikely the universe will end within a present human lifetime.
but wot th' hell, love 'em all |
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mothraa
