| in my dream house |
[May. 19th, 2009|03:19 pm] |
the crazy old granny in suzy's house
up on the balcony watching the proceedings
scary
old
wise
unknowable
mysterious
cantankerous
that's how i'll be in my dream house
 |
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|
| outskirts of hell |
[Mar. 28th, 2009|06:26 pm] |
the air presses and stings and it is so hard to move around; the air is so thick.
a painful cold steel clamp is on my brain, sucking out all shreds of warmth and good,
trying to suck out and erase my soul.
doom and fear stalk me, like the creepy crawly feeling horror movies give but more real, far more real, far more ugly, far more violent.
the roiling clouds of despair and destruction fill the sky, fill everything,
all is lost and sad and hopeless and empty. |
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| per-kin-up |
[Mar. 26th, 2009|04:22 pm] |
so here i have
hugs and nice talk with juan
snuggle and purrs from jayne
lindt white chocolate with coconut bar
gin n tonic
vicodin
clonazepam
cuts healing
nice comfy bed in my room (MY room finally after 25 years) with pictures and items and books to look at, instead of plain gray walls,
and kitties sleeping on the bed
birds and trees and clouds out the window, rain, sun, shoots coming up outside,
tulips and crocus and daffodils and lilies and weeds
thinking of my accomplishments instead of failures
getting a whole bunch of seeds in the mail from joseph -nasturtiums and bachelor's buttons and cilantro and squash - hope for the spring and summer, life going on.
inspiration from a book about m.c. escher to get some linoluem and make prints
reading the onion -courageous pickles holding jar shut from inside
well i hope it lasts |
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| vicodin poesydoggerlorama of march 24 2009. |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|08:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | machine humming. tinnitus | ] |
hurtling towards april fool's day without a joke planned.
---
what do i want
comfort and friendship and companionship
solidarity
but you can't trust anyone
we are each all alone in the world
the only thing there is is oneself
in the morality plays of old, people, beauty, possessions, status,
all fall by the wayside
the only thing left with you is your deeds
what you did and what you thought and what you stood up for, what you upheld
that's all
we are alone in the cosmos
we can't turn to anyone
no one can save us
no gods, no lovers, no parents, no religion or government
only oneself
you are responsible for yourself
and no one else, not even a god, can save you
you have to do it all by yourself
you have to be born and die alone
no stand-ins.
---
if i didn't have drugs there'd be nothing
love from friends or kitties-
they can't always be there when you need them
cutting and your own blood?
what if you can't find a razor or glass to break?
prayer/meditation/art/philosophy/housekeeping/charity/work/school/volunteer work/sports/socializing/....
don't make me laugh
the brain works chemically and electrically.
all we "know" and "sense" are constructs in our brain based on chemical and electrical stimuli
drugs change that
"knowing" and "reality"
drugs save me and keep me in this only life i have,
who knows if there is anything else
so stick it out here and now
shore up with drugs, prescription, street, over the counter, herbal,
"socially acceptable", illegal, food, light, exercise, seritonins, pheromones,
but drugs, chemicals, brain chemistry
life is chemical and electic and magnetic
better living through chemistry.
fuck it all
see you in hell
|
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| seasonal mood disorder |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|08:30 am] |
|
emptiness, doom, despair, hopelessness, worthlessness, fear, sadness, no future, no nothing, death |
|
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| depressing doldrums doggerel |
[Mar. 6th, 2009|04:54 pm] |
on a treadmill going nowhere
all i do is mark time
i feel like krap - i take vicodin to stop the pain
drink gin to not care
take clonazepam to sleep
exist
wake up go to work come home sleep (or try to)
wake up try to do some household thing sleep (or try to)
creeping along through the gray days
my pointless life
unfolding before me and rolling up behind me
wasting time
being a blight on the universe (very very tiny blight)
not using the gift of life
not doing anything
existing another day
hurry sundown
dread the morning |
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| no more mukluk at astro pages |
[Feb. 6th, 2009|08:53 am] |
|
tuesday somebody anonymously complained about my web site ( www. astro. wisc. edu/~mukluk ) to the university and my whole web site and my ftp folder were taken down. i don't know what the complaint was about. so... i am going to set a new site somewhere else in the next few days and i'll post the link when i have it. |
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| An apology for our 2001-2008 interruption in service |
[Jan. 23rd, 2009|10:27 am] |
Dear World:
We, the United States of America , your top quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2008 interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced November 4. Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now operating correctly, and we expect it to be fully functional on January 20. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We look forward to resuming full service and hope to improve in years to come. We thank you for your patience and understanding,
Sincerely,
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA |
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| more |
[Jan. 22nd, 2009|11:41 am] |
|
 
jittery!
 
forceful
(one of my favorite sculptures, Marino Marini's "The Angel of the City")
|
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|
| parlor game |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|10:17 am] |
parlor game
years ago i had an idea for a parlor game/conceptual art piece
about pairing famous art with famous equations.
i was going to make some posters to put on telephone poles,
with an image and equation, but never got around to it.
so here are a couple of examples. |
| a very obvious one: |
|
|
| both are pretty much equally famous |
this gaston lachaise sculpture and stokes parameters:
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|
| elegant -- well, i think they go together |
---
got any more?
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